Category Archives: Poems 2010

CELEBRATION OF LIFE

 

Occasionally, neighbors become good friends,

and so it’s been with Steve and Jody Fuller, Robbin and I.

 

I am going to read a short poem that I wrote for them

when my mother was dying in the hospital back in 2010.

 

 

 

LAST NIGHT’S LEFTOVERS

 

We pray for heart attacks, Mack trucks and lightening

as our way out, trading tales of die-hard mothers

like rattlesnake stories, each triggering another –

 

pouring wine with whiskey rants to laugh

at the sad truth we can’t improve, can’t make easier,

can’t change, but in ourselves.  Out of the rain,

 

my great bay horse, a bag of bones at thirty,

paws the gate in the barn for more grain – an indignant

impatience I trained for years, my mother’s hands

 

in mine again. It’s rained five days straight,

blew the barn down, blew a tire in a rockslide,

got a ticket parked too long at the hospital,

 

and we look up into the gray wanting to escape

town and traffic, find home and recuperate

with neighbors and last night’s leftovers.

 

                                                – for Steve & Jody

 

 

 

Steve left his mark on the hearts of us all.

BLACKTAIL BUCK

 

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Too tame to survive
the last day of the season
but with careful luck.

                        ~

 

Weekly Photo Challenge (2): “Careful”

 

SUMMER HERON

 

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My shy fisherman
craves his place in time and space
just for reflection.

 

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GOING WILD

                                                 The world looks
                    tame, but it might go wild, anytime.

                              – William Stafford (“Torque”)

One can’t blame the planet
trying to find its balance,
or wanting to buck loose the load:
daily megatons of consumption
and our never-ending refuse.

Always the would-be trainers
picking at a colt, raking a rowel
and hard in the mouth, always a hole
to escape to. “If he don’t buck,
he sure ought to,” Earl hollers
across the pen to an old showoff
mounting on a loose cinch humping
into a tangle of rusty barbed wire
frozen around its forelegs.

At the heart of this world, wild
and dark extremes are listening,
waiting to fill new holes in the light.
One can’t blame the planet,
or even humanity—it is a perfect
balance of imperfections, just
waiting to go wild, anytime.

IF WE HAVE LOVE

Thatched and lashed with horsehair
thread, even well-built nests
have casualties, tip in a storm,

spill family overboard, and we
remain to make repairs – find reason,
where so often there is none.

If we have love, we have no choice
but to fall with them, over and over
into the void – and we do it,

not to savor grief, but to collect
what parts we can, to piece our nest
back-together again.

 

PRAYER

A prayer saved for those
subject to the senseless,
the unexplained, the never
                    to be resolved pain
                    that will shape them
with every throbbing ache
in this flesh – a prayer pulled
                    from mountaintops
                    surviving storms.

A prayer saved for the living
left to grieve the unexplored
alone to find themselves –
                    yet never more
                    the same.
A prayer saved for tenderness
and strength, for love and faith
                    that will endure
                    in time.

 

We repost these poems for the community of Newtown, Connecticut. Originally dedicated to Jeff and Alie McKee in December 2010.

Christmas 2011

Jessica Dofflemyer photo

The days have been pretty and dry: pretty dry! No trouble finding a kid to drive.

Cutler and Bodhi helped grandpa split and load the Kubota with oak for the cook fire, one of those ‘hands-on’ instructional activities grandfathers think might make a difference some day. On ranches throughout the West, there’s always a little lost between generations, but now that most kids live away from the common experiences of the ranch, American society is losing its common sense…

Amanda Bauscher Photo

…and opportunities for discovery in the natural world, even in a round of oak—and hence any kind of basic understanding of how to live and survive on the land we all inhabit.

Amanda Bauscher Photo

The knoll, a short walk from the house that kept my children occupied years ago, intrigues them more now as we discuss it was once a women’s sacred healing place for the 300 natives that occupied this part of Dry Creek less than two centuries ago. Interesting that the ground supports less than 20 of us now. Of course, the Wukchumni triblet of the Yokuts didn’t have big screen TVs, HBO subscriptions, or any other places they needed to be. Above, Cutler is exploring the depths of a grinding hole.

Amanda Bauscher Photo

What was intended as a daughter/son project became a father/daughter exercise as Amanda and I constructed a washtub bass for Cutler. It’ll be a year or two, however, before he’s strong enough to keep tension on the string. Nevertheless, Robbin and I had fun strumming it around the fire.

The lines of last year’s post have echoed throughout the weekend, almost déjà vu, a richer and encouraging instant replay for me, still true as I reassess my role as a grandparent surrounded by family.

CHRISTMAS 2010

                                                                                    The dead,
                        too, denying their graves, haunt
                        the places they were known in and knew,
                        field and barn, riverbank and woods.
                                                
– Wendell Berry (“2008, X.”)

Even now the headstones claim
little flats beneath nameless draws
either side of the house, rough

granite boulders set at the head
of deep holes filled for horse and dog –
where the deer lay down to shade

when I was a boy, and women healed
the spirit, burning sage, chanting
until they fell asleep. Hollow ground

to horses’ hooves where my children
played pretend, those great imaginings
that beg to fly – now walk their sons,

listening – feet wet in grass.
To come home for Christmas can be
a gift – so many voices welcoming.

————————————–

Robbin and I wish you a Merry Christmas from Dry Creek!

IF WE HAVE LOVE

Thatched and lashed with horsehair
thread, even well-built nests
have casualties, tip in a storm,

spill family overboard, and we
remain to make repairs – find reason,
where so often there is none.

If we have love, we have no choice
but to fall with them, over and over
into the void – and we do it,

not to savor grief, but to collect
what parts we can, to piece our nest
back-together again.

                                            – for Alie and Jeff

THE CREEK

We’ve come together this far –
the storm is done, but for the
leaking off hillsides, rivulets

turned clear in starlight
falling into a grumbling torrent,
cleaning house, reasserting

elbow room into the silt.
She is the last word, boss
in this canyon, come hell

or flood and we grin, admire
her spunk – not too old to buck
and run. Hope rides on gravity,

the equation of extremes
cut into this landscape
validated before us – and we pray

to all things wild for one last
tantrum, one last reason
to let her be before we go.

HARRISON’S BEAR

                            …not likely wanting to be anywhere
                            or anyone else.

                                    – Jim Harrison (“Burning the Ditches”)

One wonders when we die, when we give up
the ghost to let it rise like smoke, if we will be
satisfied with life, or free from the heavy flesh

that has confined our spirit in a back room,
relieved to be among the angels yearning
to roll in the dirt, like empty saddle horses do.

Keeping a balance of sins and virtues is an
accountant’s nightmare, and how to measure
envy and pleasure subject daily to the ticker

tape others profit by. We’ve come too far
too fast, aged too quickly with no way back
to the innocence we left gazing at possibility,

before we left the farm to come to town
to get an education, to get the girl or guy,
to get ahead and get away from just getting by.

But there are places for old eyes yet to redeem
their wanderings, where Harrison’s bear
can be himself, and teach us how to live.

PRAYER

A prayer saved for those
subject to the senseless,
the unexplained, the never
            to be resolved pain
            that will shape them
with every throbbing ache
in this flesh – a prayer pulled
            from mountaintops
            surviving storms.

A prayer saved for the living
left to grieve the unexplored
alone to find themselves –
            yet never more
            the same.
A prayer saved for tenderness
and strength, for love and faith
            that will endure
            in time.