We ride all day 'till the sun's going down I'm gonna be glad to get out of this town. - Charley Willis (“Goodbye Old Paint”)
Into Fresno for the first time in years to carve cancer off my face
with the cars and trucks, all makes, all sides, both ways, packed parking, debt-ridden drivers cooped-up in caves and castles busy being where there is no place without more of the same for miles
and I’m scared— not of the knife, nor of the scar— but way too tight for my old heart.
It is a race now, but slowing near the finish line— time to identify new wildflowers, measure rain for posterity, data to apply to reason, to a pattern for those of us who believe not everything is random
chaos, turbulence and tornadoes inside the Capitol of the planet where the big guns make money playing chicken, or blind man’s bluff for the rest of the resources we’ve about used-up
especially space without trace or track of humankind—
the dogwood creek’s short cast for snowmelt rainbows where even a child would not go hungry.
I can go back anytime I want to escape or wait until the job’s done.
Out here in the California heartland beyond the peeling billboards that once announced every fruit and vegetable capital of the world removed from Highway 99, swapping crops for air conditioned shopping malls – neutered Valley towns given-up their figs to farm people instead, I can’t tell Turlock from Modesto.
Out here between the furrows where every Mom and Pop grocery store, fruit stand, bar, bait and tackle shop under one flat roof is boarded-up, old gas pumps frozen like soldiers from the Fifties waiting for a windshield or dip-stick to check or if the kids are over the mumps or chicken pox yet.
And Congressman, I know we can’t go back – that the rest of you must have great big plans we can’t comprehend, that you all have your own dream of what you can do with the harvest: your ledger of plastic magic debts – but what happens when the tree grows too far from its roots?
We are the tendrils burrowing in the dirt where what little water left is pumped into food we can’t sell at a profit anymore and I was wondering how do we fit your vision of the new millennium? How are you going to keep us producing like numb milk cows to stanchions without kicking down with a little more cash or bigger rations?
Or have you dealt us out for some fresh field workers not yet addicted to electricity or TV, never driven a tractor or new car or had to pay license and insurance yet with nothing to lose but their innocence?
Dear Congressman, I couldn’t sleep again tonight trying to figure how it’s going to work and thought I’d write and ask you before I invest another decade in the soil: how in the hell can we stay to pay the bills and still subsidize your consumption? You don’t need my vote and not enough will hear whatever good or bad I might say about you to matter, but I thought I’d ask one human to another: do you really have a plan?
Not much has changed. Written in 1998 and included in “Poems from Dry Creek” (Starhaven)