UNDERGROUND NEWS

Too much of a good thing
has a hatch of gophers
behaving like humans
tunneling earth and orchard roots
with interconnecting subway lines
that conveniently stop at pear,
pomegranate and peach trees
with special dead-end spurs
to tomatoes, peppers and squash.

The city council voted yesterday,
to expand the underground
to meet the transportation needs
of triple population growth
now that the hippest coyotes
prefer feral pork and veal
and slink beyond the range
of a .223.

One dissenting member warned
of a complete collapse
with so much tunneling
and no solid support
for the vegetables and trees
we need to survive.

On high alert, reports
of gopher bombs downtown,
steel traps in new construction zones,
and rumors of farmers and gardeners
resorting to raisins and grain soaked
in poison, we have rallied the troops
and made our political alliances
with the woodpeckers and ground squirrels
to drive the humans out—
or at the very least,
find a balanced peace
and milk them
like California’s happy cows.

 

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